777 Heaven Dr, ah here is the place. now, where is customer service? oh oh, there it is....
*walks up to counter*
"oh, hey there... *reads name tag* Gabriel, hows it going kid? yeah, um i need to return this. *hands him earth body* it's defective. how? oh well, let me give you the rundown. my shit is whack son. the hair on it is real nappy. you know how a barbie's hair looks after a 7 year old has had it for about 6 months? yeah like that. i think the hair follicles themselves are shot completely, cause the hair seems to not replenish itself once its been cut. Also, the skin is super dry, so dry it turns white and flakes off in places. "ashy" is what we call it on earth, yeah its real ashy, not cute dude.
then there is the body itself, how come it gains weight so damn fast? i work out and shit too dawg, the calibration on the metabolism is WAY off. so yeah, fix that shit. the boobs were a bit big, and i was actually able to fix that myself, hope God doesn't mind, but in the meantime the framework is all busted. the back is S shaped, so my shoulders hunch over and my neck sits forward by about 2 extra inches, and my ass and sticks out in the opposite direction about two inches. i'm sure God is well aware of the fact that as a black woman, i don't need much help in the "ass sticking out" department.
then there are the internals! the cysts? dude, i could really REALLY do without those. do they have to be so constant? i know you are a dude and all, but i have one word for you: dildosound. i'm all about the advances in modern science, but a real fucked up guy made that procedure, just sayin. hmmm.what else, what else.... oh, my gallbladder, that was a fun year trying to figure out what that excruciating pain was. did he put that there specifically to torture me? that thing is pretty much useless, i dunno if yall knew that. you should really make the 2012 models without that. apparently it just fills with rocks until you have it burnt shut. i wonder where those rocks are going now?......anyways, pregnancy was no joke either. thanks for letting me live and all, but a stroke? that's a bit extreme don't you think? i mean, i wasn't really in a point in my life where i needed a wake up call or anything, so now i just wonder if God is mad at me or something? cause i'll give him back that $20 if he really needs it. although *looks around* y'all seem like you're doin aiight.
so look playa, i'm gonna need you to take this back *pushes earth body across counter made of heavenly clouds* and get me another one, preferable one that resembles Halle Berry, but whatever you have that's fly is cool. i'll take a Beyonce if you have one in stock. Thanks homie
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