15 Reasons you should love Tameaka Haynes

By Tameaka Haynes

oh how i love thee, let me count the ways......

1. I'm black. no one saw this coming right? but think about it, how many black friends do you really have? everybody needs at least one black friend, if only for the sole purpose of not appearing incredibly racist. but also to appreciate the not-so-subtle culture that comes from the black community. now, i know what you are thinking. um Tameaka? you are only half black. and i have a few things to say to that. first off, it's colorado fucking springs, let's not get picky. there aren't a lot of wesley snipes type peoples running around this joint. so quit looking a black stallion in the mouth. two, whenever a questionnaire asks for race, i put "black" so fuck that halfsies shit. no one looks at me and says, "hey, that girls only half colored, so she's fine in my book" they see a black woman, period. and third, you don't have to be chocolate on chocolate-chocolate to appreciate the izzle, gizzles and fo-shizzles of the black arts-fool.

2. i'm smart. let's not get it twisted, i have my moments, urryone does, but overall i can hold an intellectual conversation. there are a lot of dumb broads in this world (you know who you are). who has two thumbs and ain't one of 'em? this gal.

3. i love animals (yay puppies!) and i am a dog genius. that's right you heard me, genius. and i'm okay saying that. i am dog's best friend, and dog is your best friend. therefore, through simple math Tameaka is your best friend.

4. i'm not afraid of poop. again, let's not get crazy with our imaginations. i, in no way shape or form like/enjoy/fetish/love/dream of or get excited about poop. but tameaka fears no feces yall. i have a dog, two cats, two kids, and i used to clean dog kennels for a living. i have seen a lot of shit in my life. its kinda just "there" for me. not a lot of folks can say that. though disgusting, i think it makes me slightly more awesome (as a whole)

5. i talk dirty. here let me show you : %#*&$^ @($ @#* $@#!!!^* )@)*((&@# (@#&&$^#%@#$@. what i said right there, was WAY too dirty for the blogging universe. trust me, it was raw.

6. i'm left handed. that automatically makes me better than you.

7. i'm from another country. that means i am exotic : ) on top of that, have dual citizenship so BOOYAH. (it's with the united kingdom and the US, cause i know you wanna know)

8. on top of being exotic, and having dual citizenship (BOOYAH!) i also have like, a gang of culture. let's see here, i'm black, white and European?? thats like diversity fucking overload. my folks got mad jungle fever !! i can enjoy a cup a tea with a splash of gin and juice, while watching something incredibly white! (a rodeo maybe? pretty woman?)

9. i keeps it mad real.

10. i can have a martini with the girls, and beers with the boys. tameaka is not your average "girly girl" i can appreciate some candid girl talk about ya know "feelings". but i can also laugh at sex jokes, down a (light, maybe fruity type wimp) beer, and talk about who is rockin a sexy rack. i can watch porn, go shoe shopping, play sports, get my nails did, play beer pong, read cosmo, check out a sweet set of tits, and take a punch in the face (if anyone would ever fuckin punch me, for God sakes bitches bring it ON!)

11. i can suck a mean d!ck.

12. i have good family values. big ups to my dad, (i won't say your name due to the integrity of your profession, and the flat out classless nature of this blog) also big up to my moms JODIE HAYNES, cause Lord knows she can down a rum and coke and watch porn with the best of 'em. hugs and kisses : ) i look after my sis and bro when i can, and i think my folks do their best to look after me too. i have two boys which i adore (even though i hate children) and we are three peas in a pod....well, 7 peas when you count raj, katt, toast and bleau. i heart family.

13. i'm slightly hilarious. but just kinda. i'm like... i dunno, a 6.2? on the fucking LOL scale.

14. i can really appreciate music. music is my #2 fav thing eva. music and i are like this *crosses middle and index fingers* i love all types of music. techno, rap, R&B, poop loads of pop, old school, grunge, alternative and even a lil bit of country. i cannot, however, get behind death metal, and i have tried a couple times. but seriously? you call that shit music? i don't get it. i really try to do underground as much as possible, but i obviously look in all the wrong places since everything i find seems to end up on the radio. i've been successful a couple times, but i can't say i rep underground too much unfortunately. you really can't beat dancing around the house with your ipod though.

15. insert random radicleeze here. yall know how i do. Tameaka Haynes is amazeballs.